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Wednesday, November 24, 2010

When my dark side takes place

I cannot tolerate infidelity in marriage, especially when it involves a good man, devoted his entire life for the woman he loves with his full heart. I can swallow if both having problems, but if one is almost as perfect as man could be, i really can’t stand. I will started to hate if the reason of infidelity is about having the third party. How did they value love? How much they care about love? Older people might think we, a much younger generation will not understand life, but they are wrong. Maturity does not come with an understanding package. Understanding life itself is not merely through ages, it depends on how much you take them as information and apply to your life. Even without experiencing something, by learning from other people’s mistakes, we might as well know the consequences, good or bad.

My heart is broken, it has been reconstructed before, two times. But this time, because it is so much fragile, i cannot mend it anymore. My heart is like a glass. Once broken, roughly, i can take the pieces and stick them together, even if it cannot bear the same water capacity anymore, the least it can do is it’s still a glass, still having a look of a glass, a structure, even though not a perfect glass, it’s still there. But now, the pressure is too hard i couldn’t bear it anymore. The reconstructed glass is no longer dropped down. Something big hit it causing the pieces to be torn apart, not anymore into pieces, but into debris. Into molecular looking things. Like a conical flask containing suspension cells being hit by a 6 meter shaker up from a two double storey-house high. The precious banana suspension cells lose it lives. The conical flask which serves as the home of suspension cells, collapsed, broken down. No use. The conical flask containing banana suspension cells is just like me. I used to be precious, but now I feel empty, I feel angry, I feel betrayed, I feels sucks, I feel like a loser.

I  may look happy, but indeed, i live in misery. I may look friendly, but i love solace. I may look energetic, but indeed, I’m tired. I may look strong, but i am too weak. I may look brilliant, but I’m an idiot. I may look lovely, but I’m a hatred. I may look apologetic, but I keep grudges. I may look like i am, but i am not me. I am not myself. I am the bad side of this girl. I come when her good side turned darker. I am able to occupy her heart. I made her into this kind of person. She, the person who used to be full of herself, now is so much lacking, getting worse by day. And i cannot predict when is she going to get her good side. Maybe she want to see Suju again, haha. I dunno. She is like okay, but she is havocking. She is in dilemma, real test is she facing now. She is going to go through all this. I am the bad side. Let see until when can i control her…what do you think? As my name suggest, yes, i am the dark side of her heart. Bad = dark. Isn’t that comes together? May i ruin this girl? Talk to the time..


Anonymous said...

salam fina..
first of all.. kite solute la english awak. mantap. fluent!
terpakse translate google cikit2. hehe..

about ur heart broken.. yes, it may take times fina..really take time..
i have faced it before, rase mcm dikhianati..erm.mybe..rasa sedih, rase benci kpd seseorg..

but.. kite jgn lupe.. at the same time.. kite mesti serahkan everything to Allah..Kite kene yakin apa yg berlaku ada hikmah. apa yg berlaku adalah pengajaran dr ALLAH atas kesilapan2 yg kite lakukan dgn sengaja atau tidak..

Kita kene serahkan padaNya..
kalau tak nak hati sedih dan pecah lagi.. janganlah bergantung hrp keapda manusia yg dhoif..
kite ada Allah sbb Dia shj yg tahu apa dan siapa yang terbaik buat kite...
kalo kite langgar larangan die.. kite yg terima akibatnya..
semoga dpt muahasah diri bsama..
luv u...

with all my heart-jejong fan :D


Hime said...

wassalam syairah...long babbling here, but thanks anyway...
we may not be in the same situation. we are different. but maybe what you feel is harder than mine or it's me who cannot simply accept the way things happened to me. i am weak, weaker than i used to be. you may have been wrongly interpreted what am i saying in my entry, but the is some point that you may know that i am not in a good situation. dun worry, i'm okay. i just need some time

Fay said...

hey, i just want to wish you to be happy. hope u can get trough any situation u face right now. i may not know what problem/situation are u facing now, but i know u can go trough this.

be strong dear. take care. :))

Hime said...

thanks a lot chingu
wish me luck


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