nuts..

i dunno what is actually happening to me.why this heart tend to be vulnerable..again?i used to be like this before but i managed to handle it.so hard to breathe, i dun have spirits anymore.i sumetimes cry like a child.i used to be sume1 who really dun like to cry..no matter how hard the situation is.i am a tough person.i can usually handle problems with minor difficulties.WHY AM I STUCKING HERE?WHAT AM I DOING ACTING LIKE THIS???plz come back real me..plz come back..i miss myself..i miss my old me..i was thinking about changes that i've intentionally made.maybe becoz of that.sumething that i choose with my own will have made me jump into this world where i have to endure all this pain..though there were happiness within inside me.things that make me making an isolation..separating from others and avoiding people around me.i tend to cry much more than i smile..i become a hypocrite.smiling..but deep inside i cried like a hell.on the other side..i can sometimes be very happy..smiling and laughing like there's no tomorrow..i really am crazy..nuts..

has humanity gone?

it's hard to go on like this.feeling guilty doing things we loved, but at the same time, hurt others.huhu~life sure is so complicated.but well, should've been that way..at this kind of mood, i just wanna go back home~to my mum n dad..to my family..but i'll feel guilty coz i hadnt finished up my assignment!not even started yet!huhu..my mini instrumentation project, i've got my part.multiple application of research problem in flow cytometry.didn't even have any clues.i was hoping that i'll got application to clinical but they make a coin toss~shikatanai..i'm not that lucky.well, i actually leave my blog quite some time.i wanna write about last week programe, under caring society of my college.as the name suggest, we were visiting oldfolk homes and kompleks anak2 yatim, located at malacca.the duration of the programe is just a whole day.quite tiring, but so meaningful.i suddenly realize some qualities in me, that i actually love all those charity programe (i never knew that before).tears started to flow when we talked to the old man n woman..most of them were abandoned by their own family n child.where children are not able to take care of them anymore or outspokenly, dont wanna care bout them anymore!huhu..sense of love and caring to the old people are ceasing..severely decreasing..i can feel the way they felt, but they are the one who handles the burden within inside their chest..it's so painful~being neglected n forgotten by own flesh..who their raised up painfully..without any condition..how could they have such heart?obeying is one thing.but what's matter here is not that.as a human being, they've lost natural humanity inside themselves..huhu..i pray for those old people there~they live life well..waiting for their times to come..counting the days..i noe from their faces~they bear a heavy burden of sadness~~~

Never Alone~

I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone
And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life
We cannot separate' Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen