a long way journey

~it was a long time ago since i wrote on this blog..perhaps a pregnant mother would've delivered a baby! it was damn too long..i am now doing my final year project. maybe half way to go.i never noe doing labworks require much efford..yesterday's PCR mix wasnt that satisfied.my gel doesnt show any primer binding to the band...hurm..wansin's going to overseas for training (perhaps he said it is Beijing Genome Institute) so he passed me to her collegues..i guess her name is suE ee..erm..never no how was she (i hope she wasnt that scary one)..i will miss PBIU (plant biotech incubator unit)
~got a room at 4th floor block c..my leg hurts climbing the stairs..yea..i no i will lose weight by climbing the stairs..but it's just out of my ability..but lately..i'm not much into foods!!wasnt it a great news?!yeah of course..keep it real fina! *^_^*

huhu...i'm back

it's been quite long time i left my blog.yup..for a month it should be consider long enough.well, kind of busy preparing with exam n stuff like assignment and all that.i can breath again right now coz exams have ended (though it's damn horrible)..i am home now and i was happy coz i was hoping to watch tv n dvd's all the times during the semester break.well, though i was sad over something..i really dunno what to do.i've become extinct in someone's life.well, that person wants to eliminate me.what else can i do?huh...sigh~shikatanai....
erm...talking about moments to remember..i did enjoy my holiday with my coursemates!!!it was awesome...great great time!!we were playing, singing and chatting nonstop since the day we arrived at langkawi.dun forget bout how crazily my coursemate taking pictures all over the place.if they can, they want to take a pic for every second counts!!hehe.we were staying at lyn's house (so we save a lot!!lols)..plus we save budget for foods too..and laundry for free!!lols
the neighbours were all kind and friendly.one makcik even deliver asam pedas to lyn's house for lunch.i thought that this never exist these days, but it did!i love the time when we go to the beach and play a lot.i wasnt intended to wet my clothes since i didnt bring extra tshirt, but they all force me to ride the banana boat, so i agree...huhu...it was awesome...(best sgt..hehe).the most hilarious part is when fauzi fall off the boat..hehe.lyn didnt recognize that.mar is the one who saw fauzi floating on the water...lols..we laughed out loud.luckily he noes how to swim.if i'm the one who falls off, i dont noe whether i'll still be alive or not...hehe

mandeta 09

nuts..

i dunno what is actually happening to me.why this heart tend to be vulnerable..again?i used to be like this before but i managed to handle it.so hard to breathe, i dun have spirits anymore.i sumetimes cry like a child.i used to be sume1 who really dun like to cry..no matter how hard the situation is.i am a tough person.i can usually handle problems with minor difficulties.WHY AM I STUCKING HERE?WHAT AM I DOING ACTING LIKE THIS???plz come back real me..plz come back..i miss myself..i miss my old me..i was thinking about changes that i've intentionally made.maybe becoz of that.sumething that i choose with my own will have made me jump into this world where i have to endure all this pain..though there were happiness within inside me.things that make me making an isolation..separating from others and avoiding people around me.i tend to cry much more than i smile..i become a hypocrite.smiling..but deep inside i cried like a hell.on the other side..i can sometimes be very happy..smiling and laughing like there's no tomorrow..i really am crazy..nuts..

has humanity gone?

it's hard to go on like this.feeling guilty doing things we loved, but at the same time, hurt others.huhu~life sure is so complicated.but well, should've been that way..at this kind of mood, i just wanna go back home~to my mum n dad..to my family..but i'll feel guilty coz i hadnt finished up my assignment!not even started yet!huhu..my mini instrumentation project, i've got my part.multiple application of research problem in flow cytometry.didn't even have any clues.i was hoping that i'll got application to clinical but they make a coin toss~shikatanai..i'm not that lucky.well, i actually leave my blog quite some time.i wanna write about last week programe, under caring society of my college.as the name suggest, we were visiting oldfolk homes and kompleks anak2 yatim, located at malacca.the duration of the programe is just a whole day.quite tiring, but so meaningful.i suddenly realize some qualities in me, that i actually love all those charity programe (i never knew that before).tears started to flow when we talked to the old man n woman..most of them were abandoned by their own family n child.where children are not able to take care of them anymore or outspokenly, dont wanna care bout them anymore!huhu..sense of love and caring to the old people are ceasing..severely decreasing..i can feel the way they felt, but they are the one who handles the burden within inside their chest..it's so painful~being neglected n forgotten by own flesh..who their raised up painfully..without any condition..how could they have such heart?obeying is one thing.but what's matter here is not that.as a human being, they've lost natural humanity inside themselves..huhu..i pray for those old people there~they live life well..waiting for their times to come..counting the days..i noe from their faces~they bear a heavy burden of sadness~~~

Never Alone~

I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone
And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life
We cannot separate' Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

i'm coming back!

it has been quite a long time i didn't write anything on this board.mainly because i have lots of things to do and whenever i came across my site, i began to have no idea on what am i suppose to write.i think..i have lost my ability to write properly!huhu~..well..i dunno what to write so i guess i should start with writing about my daily basis..(is this jerking?huhu).to be realistic, what is going on my life rite now is that i am struggling to rearrange my timetable.today is wednesday (almost dawn).gotta go to B6 tonite having a discussion with dr zul.so tonite will be the basic nite.i wont be able to study any other subject other than basic.yeah..kind of preparation for the next week test.coming back from that, maybe around 10pm, there's no enough time for me to prepare for my report.assuming my mood to study will turned to another mode~maybe yming time or gaming time or dvding time.but most probably i'll just read through tomorrow's lecture notes.well then for tomorrow..i maybe go to shah alam..why can't i just get rid of those friend's invitation to go out an outing?what a weak kind of me..huhu.after basic class, i probably will go there with an intention of well..u should noe..shopping of course.calculating times, i guess i should arrive at college before maghrib.then i noe how it feels.exhausted.so..i may not be able to do anything again at nite.so..a waste of time again.friday i have another appoinment with my friend at midvalley..hehe..i decide this..so blame it on me =p.next week will be a tough week.submission date of my basic genetics report is on 17th february.maybe basic test will be on this day too.then microbial genetics test will be on thursday, 19th february.there are lots of things to remember and some of the subtopics..i really have no idea of what is that all about because i am such a lazy and reluctant girl to revise again after i didnt understand that.huhu..a real me is ceasing..somebody tasukete!!help me please..huhu..why am i starting to be lazy and take things so easy?n next week i will also have a project in malacca and it will take me a day there.so as the part of the society, i have to do some task which require my times..AGAIN!but after all,i learned something from all these..like dr zul said..all nobel prize winner (i'm not saying i have an ambition to be a nobel prize winner..lols) are getting their results of new findings when they stumble upon something..it occurs not as they planned.they do not expect it to be that way..so in my case, i think i have to just go on like that..using the very second of the times accomplishing every work i should've done..giving priority to things i should do first.and do not sigh!because who noes in doing all that, i will coincidently find something new to my life..which bring me to more than happiness~..

mending the pieces..

sometimes in life, in order for us to keep on going, we have to sacrifice things we used to.even though it's more than hard, it's harder than complicated and it's confusing than puzzling, sooner or later, we'll get used to it.for how long the road will end to the real place that we are heading, there will be sufficient hardship and torture-the way we gained experience.along the road, we may found obstacles blocking our way.but that's how life is all about.it never run smoothly without any difficulties.well,we human can never get rid of that.what differs between successful people with a loser is just how they cope with the situations.and i hope that i was not a loser.for every little things that i do, i hope it's the best for my life.letting go someone u love reluctantly, is a real hard things to do.but then, if it's the best thing to do after all the calculation n probability have been made,then why should there be any regret?or even a sigh?Allah noes the best for us.let go all the pain.heal the wounds and vanish the scar..and be strong as i always be *^_^*..ganbatte!!

extraordinary ordinary

I like to read more n more on what cecelia ahern wrote in her novel, Thanks For The Memories,'how extraordinary the ordinary really is, a tool we all use to keep going, a template for sanity'.it's really a moving phase for me.the ordinary can be extraordinary if we try to make it as best as we can to make it not just an ordinary..and it will remain as an unforgettable memories we had in our lives.life is short; for sure.we never no how long we'll be able to wake up at the crack of dawn, and being able to breath and feel the freshness of the air, listening to the sound of water in the shower, shivering by the cold water running out from the shower..it's the feeling of freshness..u can never get if u wake up late..hihi..i think, i'm running out of the topic already..lols.well, back to the title, i ought to write on my works in the last few days.i really wanmna write it here.it's so amazing!to cross breed the drosophila which consist of more than only one type.what's more important is that, dealing with different mutants in drosophila was never come to my imagination at all! it's like a dream come true *^_^*.i never no there exist such mutants in drosophila.the wild type (the normal and most frequent one) have red-coloured eye, the other mutants for instance have the scarlet-coloured eye, the vermillion-coloured eye, the other with ebony body, the vestigal wing mutants and the last one with a black body.the differences between the wild type allele and the mutants are just the colour of the eyes are much lighter or darker which closes to red and the other one is the shape and the size of their wings.simply just a slight difference,but they were mutants!isn't that amazing?lols..coming to the real task; mating the drosophila (just an information to the layman..sorry if it's a bit late..drosophila is actually a scientific name for fruit fly..Drosophila melanogaster).we were given lots of test tubes provided by food supplies and a little bit yeast (the lab man said it is used to make the drosophila itchy..lols).we were divided to four and doing the crosses together by separating the tasks.it's a bit confusing because there were lots of drosophila given n a bit hard to etherize them, to count them n to quickly put them in the tubes before they wake up again.i was afraid if i put all males together in one tube.or all females in a tube.wouldn't there will be lesbians or gays??lols..never!no offspring will be in the tube for sure.dealing with ether makes me almost unbreathable..i think i will faint if they etherize me..lol.in each tube, we have to put 3 males (either the wild type or mutant) and 3 females (mutants or wild type).then after a week, we saw larvae in the tubes.we removed the parents (we actually killed them by ether too, to examine under the microscope) and let the larvae to developed.can't wait to see them grow up! i was thinking of giving them names..hehe.like they are my babies..lols..lols..well..i should stop by now.i've to study a bit on statistical calculation.n got to no about epistasis..there'll be basic genetics quiz next week.dreaming to get A for this subject!!go for it..ganbatte *^_^*