I miss her. I cannot stop crying. I hurt so much inside. I cannot do much as i can as a grandson. I can’t even repay her anything. I can’t even give a single cent to her, as she did before. I planned to buy her things as soon as i get my very first payment, but it didn’t happened as i wished. It’s not even a month to be paid. I wish i have a lot more time with her. But her time has finally come. She was destined to die today (23 October 2010).
I am so much fragile now. I tell myself to stop crying but it’s getting worse. Thinking that before she died, she suffered a lot, i think I'm gonna cry all my life. This is something i have to bear with. I have to accept by heart. I accept logically, but deep in my heart, i bleed so much. I regret something, but it was really under my control. I have to keep believing, that she is going to a better place. Yes, she is. She is going to leave those craps who breaks her heart, who treats her like animals, who can never be called her children in the first place.
There is only one thing i can do for her. Praying for her until it’s my time to go. Ustaz said that praying for our parents and grandparents will definitely be heard and surely be accepted. That, i wont stop doing.
Who will not feel sad and hurt if someone they love passed away? I can tell anyone who lose their important person bunch of advises, words that can somehow give a little bit comfort. But when it comes to myself, i can’t help rather than crying.
I keep revolting those people, but i have to release the feelings, i have to let it go. Because if i keep revolting, it hurts me as i will feel sad. I’ll feel sorry for my grandmother who died that way. She will get a better replacement there. She, who will always be remembered, who will always in my heart, who will always have a place in my heart, rest in peace my dear grandmother…May you be blessed in there……………………….